The Lagos government, through its Domestic and Sexual Violence Agency, has trained marriage registrars on effective premarital counselling to help couples build stable homes and prevent domestic violence.

Speaking during the two-day training at Ikeja on Thursday, Emmanuel Oladele, the president of the Institute of Marriage Administrators and Counsellors of Nigeria, said that premarital counselling prepared intending couples for the lifelong responsibilities of marriage.

Mr Oladele said that such counselling enabled them to understand the realities of marriage before exchanging marital vows. He described marriage as a lifelong commitment rather than a casual relationship, urging intending couples to prepare adequately before saying “I do”.

The president identified poor communication, financial disagreements, family interference, career differences, parenting styles, changing family roles and infidelity as major factors capable of triggering domestic violence if not addressed before marriage.

According to him, discussions on religion, health, finances, career aspirations, family planning, child upbringing and fidelity should form part of premarital counselling to enable couples to align their expectations.

He said that openness, integrity, mutual respect and transparency were essential for sustaining healthy marriages.

The marriage counsellor described communication as the foundation of every successful marriage, urging registrars to encourage intending couples to communicate openly, develop active listening skills and resolve disagreements constructively.

Mr Oladele said that marriage required patience, sacrifice, compromise and mutual understanding, noting that many people remained “man and woman” even after decades of marriage because they failed to embrace the responsibilities of becoming ”husband and wife”.

He reminded participants that they had been appointed as “fit and proper persons” under the Marriage Act. He urged them to combine professional competence with empathy, emotional intelligence and confidentiality while counselling intending couples.

He also advocated improved marriage registration procedures, proper documentation, strict compliance with the Marriage Act and continuous professional development.

Mr Oladele urged registrars to identify red flags in relationships and guide couples on conflict resolution, financial management, family planning and emotional wellbeing.

A family life therapist, Florence Ogwu, attributed rising cases of marital crisis to inadequate premarital preparation and the absence of regular marriage counselling after weddings.

Ms Ogwu said that many couples enter marriage without fully understanding its demands and fail to seek professional guidance as their relationships evolve.

She said that increasing cases of separation and divorce were adversely affecting children who grew up in dysfunctional homes. She advocated comprehensive premarital counselling and periodic “marriage check-ups”, saying that marriage counselling should continue after the wedding to help couples navigate different stages of married life.
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Ms Ogwu acknowledged that financial hardship could increase tension in marriages but encouraged couples to work together through cooperation and shared financial planning to strengthen family stability. She urged intending couples to embrace thorough premarital counselling and continuous learning as practical steps toward reducing domestic violence, marital breakdown and divorce.

The therapist urged marriage registrars to regard their responsibilities as a critical assignment in shaping the future of families, saying that quality premarital counselling could prevent domestic violence, marital breakdown and avoidable deaths.

She advised registrars to pay close attention to warning signs such as controlling behaviour, emotional manipulation, intimidation and isolation. According to her, marriage registrars should ask probing questions and help intending couples discuss finances, careers, household responsibilities and childcare before marriage.

She cautioned against entering marriage because of external pressure and reminded intending couples that marriage did not change violent or controlling behaviour.

Ms Ogwu said that healthy marriages were built on mutual respect, emotional safety, trust, effective communication and shared responsibility. She said that effective premarital counselling would equip couples with the emotional maturity, practical skills and knowledge required to build stable, violence-free families and contribute to a safer society.

(NAN)