Many years ago, when my teacher said nothing sells like sex, crime, and money, I didn’t fully understand what he meant. Yet, over the years, I’ve repeatedly seen that a judicious mix of these socio-economic ingredients is a spellbinder.

Apart from the tragic news about banditry, the suspense in Rivers State, and the heightened prostitution amongst politicians crossing the carpet or finding new harems, nothing has hugged the headlines as relentlessly as the salacious tango between Senate President Godswill Akpabio and Senator Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan.

After weeks of trying to see, hear, and say no evil, I’m compelled to overcome the temptation of abstaining by yielding. It’s not an easy road, believe me – not for those genuinely trying to make sense of it, not for the busybodies and certainly not for the parties involved.

Managing their libido
It’s heartbreaking that despite the perennial underperformance of the legislature, managing the libido of its menfolk has piled on the hazards we must endure.

But it’s not a Nigerian thing, if that is any comfort. A 2016 study by the Inter-Parliamentary Union (IPU) on sexism, harassment and violence against women parliamentarians indicates that 20 per cent of women parliamentarians globally report sexual harassment during their terms. The hospitality and healthcare sectors follow the pecking order, with power relations influencing the trend in several industries, professions, and workspaces.

Allegations of sexual harassment or assault have indeed been weaponised in the past. From the Central Park Five in the U.S. to Ivan Henry and Perry Lott, exonerated only two years ago after serving 35 years for a rape conviction in Oklahoma, the literature is replete with cases of persons wrongfully convicted for sexual offences they did not commit. Lott won’t be the last.

What is behind seven…
Yet, Akpoti-Uduaghan’s allegation should be taken more seriously than just another regular nuisance from an underperforming legislative branch. The feedback from insiders has been puzzling. Akpabio and Akpoti-Uduaghan have been good friends, one source told me. In Akpabio’s Senate presidency, the source said, none of the other three female senators have enjoyed the privileges Akpoti-Uduaghan has, even though she is a first-timer.

Jealousy, I thought, especially when my source added that apart from her appointment as chairman of the juicy local content development committee, Akpoti-Uduaghan had been a part of the Senate president’s entourage on trips to several enchanting destinations before things fell apart. This source, I’ve known for years, is not given to flippancy. But I pressed for more.

Show me your friend…
The source added that Akpoti-Uduaghan’s husband, Emmanuel, a hard-working man, high chief, husband of one wife, and friend of the establishment but a non-legislator, had also executed several significant contracts for the National Assembly running into hundreds of millions of naira.

For anyone familiar with how things are done here, lavish travels and contracts for one’s buddies are only a tiny part of the fringe benefits. There is a common saying among Nigerian politicians that one does not give jobs to one’s enemies.

Yet, if it’s also true that one’s friends can sometimes tell a lot about who they are, then anyone who is Akpabio’s friend and gets special treatment cannot claim they are strangers to his flippancy, a shortcoming for which he cannot help himself. Akpoti-Uduaghan should know him.

A lifestyle of rough jokes
As governor of Akwa Ibom, he said before TV cameras at a zonal meeting in Port Harcourt that “hungry” state party chairmen of his former party, the Peoples Democratic Party, should be given N1 million each for snacks at Mr Biggs. Akpabio also famously said that whatever money cannot do, more money can do.

The bawdier variety ranges from telling young protesters last year that those who wanted to protest could do so “while the rest of us would be here eating,” not to mention his off-colour quip about the Senate not being a nightclub or his pre-recess gaffe to “send prayers” (meaning money) to senators just before their holiday.

The man can’t help himself. He thinks the allegation against him is wokeism gone rogue and called it “a useless allegation of sexual harassment.” But the gravity goes beyond his insinuation that Akpoti-Uduaghan is fighting back for losing her “juicy” committee seat or his charge that she thinks of herself as finer than Snow White, a woman to kill for.

Under the rug
The point is that even though he has framed this dispute as a useless distraction, he should never have been the prosecutor and judge in his own case. Because he was involved – the second time in five years – the matter should have been referred to an independent panel or opened to the public.

Allegations of sexual harassment are often difficult to prove. Many incidents occur privately, leaving no direct witnesses or corroborative testimony. Claims usually rely on the complainant’s words, and documentation of circumstantial evidence is challenging.

Referring the matter to the Ethics and Privileges committee was supposed to create a veneer of impartiality. Still, Akpabio’s vindictiveness was apparent long before the committee returned the six-month suspension verdict on Akpoti-Uduaghan. The Senate president was pulling the strings.

It is not Akpoti-Uduaghan’s right to a fair, impartial hearing alone that was at stake, even though the absence of that should have been sufficient to discredit her punishment. Akpabio has also abridged the rights of the senator’s constituents in Kogi Central by this libidinous overreach. He should have been more restrained.

A worrying record
Discipline of members should not be done lightly. Of eight senators suspended since 1999, three have been in the last two years under Akpabio’s presidency. In 236 years, the U.S. Senate has censured nine members.

In South Africa, apart from the raft of parliamentarians who resigned after the so-called Travelgate scandal in the early 2000s, the most notable cases of censure since 1994 have been Julius Malema and Jacob Zuma, for different reasons.

Senate Leader Opeyemi Bamidele has said Akpoti-Uduaghan was not suspended for her allegation against the Senate president but for multiple breaches, from refusal to sit in her assigned seat, speaking without recognition, disruptive behaviour, and failure to appear before the Senate Ethics Committee, contrary to Senate Orders 2023 as amended.

With only four women out of 109 senators (both chambers of the National Assembly have eight of 490 members), this might sound like music to the ears of the male-dominated chamber. But in the hallways, just outside their gilded offices, the word is that after a previous sexual harassment allegation by Akpoti-Uduaghan against former presidential aide Reno Omokri, it’s time to teach her a lesson.

Spouses beware
Akpabio cannot come clean by asking his wife to tell us what a faithful husband he has been. Or telling us stories of how he spent the night at the Dangote Cement factory to make it to Akpoti-Uduaghan’s wedding. We have an idea what spouses would say in situations like this, and where he spent the night to attend his friend’s wedding is his business. Enough of the salacious spellbinder. He should allow an independent investigation and publish the findings to bring closure to this sordid episode.

Ishiekwene is Editor-in-Chief of LEADERSHIP and author of the book Writing for Media and Monetising It.